The Name of the Game

By Etienne Kinney

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I remember several years ago I was just beginning my freshman year in college and I ran into a friend who I had met a few weeks previously. She said, “Hey Etienne!” and I stood there frozen, like a deer in the headlights because I could not remember her name. Embarrassed, I responded with an unenthusiastic “Hey” which thankfully, seemed to go unnoticed.

How could she remember my name, but I could not remember hers?

We’ve all been there. You introduce yourself to a new acquaintance, or maybe you are at work, or maybe even a romantic interest, and as soon as the conversation ends you cannot remember their name. It’s as if their name floats in one ear and right out the other. So, what is the cause of this phenomenon? Why can’t you remember people’s names? One would be quick to identify poor memory as the culprit, however, the good news is that anyone can remember someone’s name. So how do we improve our memory?

There can be a variety of reasons why you forget someone’s name. Maybe you are distracted when you meet someone whether from nerves; perhaps they have a very common name, or maybe you are just not motivated to pay attention. All of these reasons can contribute. In Dr. Julia Shaw’s book, The Memory Illusion she writes of this very issue. In her book she used the example of a student sitting in class staring at the teacher, but not actually listening to anything the professor is saying. Later, when that same student tries to recall what the teacher was talking about, they won’t be able to because they didn’t pay attention. And really, remembering people’s names is that simple, pay attention.

The truth is when I was introduced to my friend a few weeks before running into her at the grocery store, I was thinking about everything else but her name. “Do I seem cool? I hope I am not awkward. She is pretty.” In short, I was focused on myself and not her name.

But, with all of life’s distractions how can we pay attention to someone’s name and avoid making the same mistake that I did?

To avoid this issue, I encourage you to utilize three strategies.

  • The first one and perhaps the simplest is repetition. Whenever you are meeting someone, and they introduce themselves repeat their name back to them and when the conversation ends repeat their name back to them again. For example, “Hey my name is Keisha.” “Hi, nice to meet you Keisha…Well, is was nice to meet you Keisha.”

  • It can be difficult to remember people’s names because often their name gives no information about their person, thus, the second strategy is to form an association with someone’s name. For example, if a new acquaintance introduces themselves as John, and they are wearing jeans you could remember their name by repeating in your head “John wears jeans.” 

  • The third strategy is to use a combination of both association and repetition for maximum memorization. 

Next time you introduce yourself to a new acquaintance remember these tips and remember to simply, pay attention.

Resources

Adams, S. (2014). I can’t remember names [Cartoon]. https://wyzguyscybersecurity.com/sunday-funnies-cant-remember-names/

Deering, S. (2010, September). You Must Remember This. Golf Digest, 61(9), 6PL. Retrieved from https://link-gale-com.ezproxy.mnsu.edu/apps/doc/A238556640/EAIM?u=mnamsumank&sid=EAIM&xid=ef984bbb

Sarah K. Tauber Matthew G. Rhodes (2010) Metacognitive Errors Contribute to the Difficulty in Remembering Proper Names. Vol. 18, pg. 522-532. Retrieved From: https://www-tandfonline-com.ezproxy.mnsu.edu/doi/full/10.1080/09658211.2010.481818

Shaw, J. (2016). The Memory Illusion. London, Great Britain: Random House Books.

ThinkingKarla Lassonde