The Erotic Reality and the Psychology of Sexual Arousal
By Nicholas Lucke
As a psychology major with a minor in sexuality studies, I often think about the social and psychological aspects of human sexuality. Sexuality and the crave for sex is a very primal form of the human condition because not only is it used fundamentally for reproduction, but it allows us to form intimate connections with others. Most of the time, thinking about sex gets us aroused, the excitement for sexual activity; most people call this being horny. Consider for a moment the idea of what it means to be horny and the changes in certain social behaviors and perceptions. There is a tangible connection between sex, arousal, perception, and human behavior that we are able to perceive when we get to the point of being horny. I am not talking about the hormonal changes that we go through, but the experience of sexual desire and what it means to be horny.
Imagine for a moment a time when you were horny — not just a little aroused, but another level. How did your behavior change? We often find ourselves thinking and acting differently when we are sexually aroused, especially when we reach the peak of the sexual response cycle. The male orgasm lasts about 3-5 seconds, and the woman’s 5-8, but most people are convinced that the powerful feeling of pleasure lasts much longer but much shorter at the same time, according to Doctor of Sociology Dennis Waskul. Being horny seems to alter our sense of time when you take a step back and look at the experience from the outside in! This altered sense of time is another aspect of the psychology of sexual arousal and we don’t expect our meta-senses such as time to be altered so drastically. This leads into the notion that one never feels horny.
Most people will say “I am horny” not “I am feeling horny” and this is because sexual arousal is associated with a state of being, not an emotion or sensation. Sociologist Murray S. Davis refers to this state of being as an “erotic reality” rather than our “everyday reality” in his book Smut: Erotic Reality/Obscene Ideology. The erotic reality can be looked at as a state of consciousness, a sort of high, that when experienced can make a person feel more impulsive, think rapid thoughts of sex, and perceptions of the human body from a thing of beauty or someone as an individual to a vessel used to connect souls physically and mentally. The erotic reality is connected to sexual desire because in the heat of the moment, we are so attached and enchanted by the idea of sex that we have little room in our higher-order thoughts for anything else, all we want is that sexual release.
There is no questioning that when connecting with someone through sex we primarily use our senses, most prominently being touched. Touch allows for the stimulation of different endogenous zones, areas of the body that provide erotic stimulation, to create sexual pleasure. The most thought of zone being the genitals. However, all the senses play a huge role in the experience of sex and the erotic reality! Sight gives a sense of vulnerability to a person, seeing all of who they are when at their most exposed, and more often than not being seen by someone in such a vulnerable state is enough to create an intimate relationship on its own. Smell not only subconsciously picks up pheromones, the scent that we cannot perceive yet release certain hormones in the body when smelled, but it helps associate memories with the person whom the smell we perceive originates! Think of the smell of a partner’s clothes, pillows, or other personal items. Taste has a huge role in sexual arousal, especially in oral sex, but I will not go into the explicit details on that one. Finally, hearing your partner during sex is one of the main ways to understand the feelings that the other person is feeling during those pleasure filled moments and can give context clues about the mood in the moment to create a more powerful environment.
When one really thinks about it, sex cannot be defined as a simple term. Sex means different things for everyone, whether it involves penetration or not, what makes a person aroused varies from person to person. However, there is no denying that psychologically, sexual arousal can change the behavior and the perception of the environment in which a person is doing the deed. Moreover, whether or not we notice it at the time, the environment and the stimulation from each of the senses provides a different and unique experience that creates a certain primal mentality. The combination of everything that plays into the mood is a unique form of psychology that is difficult to study, yet it affects everyone.
References
Dr. Dennis Waskul Lecture: Sexual Arousal, 2019
Davis, Murray S. Smut: Erotic Reality, Obscene Ideology. Univ. of Chicago Press, 1985.