Move-in Then Marriage, or Marriage Then Move-in?
By Bethany Aydinalp
“Living with my partner before we get married is a good idea, you have to know what each other is like before you commit to the rest of your lives together. What if I hate the way they put the toilet paper on!?” This reasoning sounds legitimate right? Believe it or not, research says that living with a partner before marriage or premarital cohabitation, actually has a negative impact on marital quality. However, current rates of premarital cohabitation are on the rise. According to the US Census Bureau, people living together ages 18-34 has increased by 24% since 2007. So what does this mean for future relationships?
Well, the research is conflicting. Some sources say that premarital cohabitation decreases marital quality and stability, but other sources don’t list premarital cohabitation as a common reason for divorce. If living together truly is influential on marital quality and staying together, wouldn’t everyone want to know for the sake of their relationships?
When researching the top reasons of divorce, things like infidelity, financial issues, and substance abuse were on the list; but cohabitation doesn’t make the cut. In 2010, research led by Anita Jose from Stony Brook University concluded that couples that cohabitate prior to marriage were less likely to stay married than those who had not lived together before marriage. Playing “house” clearly has high stakes, so how do we choose what to believe?
Clearly, further research on the topic is needed. Every couple is different, and comes with their own sets of obstacles and challenges, with or without living together. Also how many couples can really say they broke-up or got divorced, solely because they lived together before they got married? No two couples are the same, and one person always leaving just a sip of milk left could be as much of a factor in relationship success as cohabitation. With the amount of people living together before marriage rising, it is important to determine if there truly is a negative relationship between cohabitation and marriage quality for the sake of future relationships and marriages.
Ultimately, no matter what the research says, the best way to decide if you want to live with someone, is to ask yourself if you want to live with them. There is no magic way of knowing if your relationship will succeed or not because no one can see the future.
If you are in a healthy relationship where you feel like you want to move in together, do it! If you feel more comfortable waiting until you’re engaged or married, that’s okay too! The quality and success of the relationship is decided by the two people in it, and nothing else.
References
U.S. Census Bureau, & Gurrentz, B. (2020, August 18). For Young Adults, Cohabitation Is Up, Marriage Is Down. Retrieved from https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2018/11/cohabitaiton-is-up-marriage-is-down-for-young-adults.html
Jose, D. (2010). Does Premarital Cohabitation Predict Subsequent Marital Stability and Marital Quality? A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(1), 105–116. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2009.00686.x