Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship
By Amber Feltmann
“The Honeymoon Phase” is something that everyone has heard about. The point in your relationship where everything seems amazing, and you both are on cloud nine. Anything and everything seems to remind you of your special someone, and you catch yourself daydreaming about the future, possible marriage, and all the great things to come in your relationship. You tend to get swept away in the excitement of your relationship. But what happens when that honeymoon phase starts to fade? You both might get caught up in your education, your career, or just life in general that your relationship may be put on a back burner. So how do you keep the spark alive despite all life's curveballs? This blog provides you with a handful of different ways to keep the spark alive in your relationship.
Do something new together
Whether it is trying out couple's yoga for the first time together, traveling to a new place, or simply baking a new recipe together, the opportunities are endless! You and your partner will be able to share this first-time experience with each other and will create memories while doing so. Who knows, maybe you two will pick up a new hobby to share.
Surprises!
Although some people may say they do not like surprises, it does keep things interesting! Small gifts are a good way to let your partner know that you were thinking of them. After all, who doesn’t like a gift? Flowers, chocolates, love notes, and surprise dates/vacations are all ways to surprise your partner and make them feel appreciated.
Purchase or create something that you and your partner can do together
I recently purchased The Adventure Book online. This book is cool because it contains fifty scratch-off adventures for you and your partner. These adventures range from in-home activities to outdoor activities and you never know what you are going to get until you scratch it off. My boyfriend and I have completed about five of these adventures so far and have enjoyed every single one.
My boyfriend and I have also created a spiced-up version of Jenga to play together. We used the blocks from the regular Jenga game and wrote stuff on cut-to-size sticky notes to put on the blocks so that when we pull each block, we would do what is on the sticky note. We each took half of the blocks and wrote what we wanted to on them and did not show the other person. This way, there was still an element of surprise to the game! Some of the things that we wrote on the blocks were deep questions to ask each other, funny dares, or even simple things like giving a hug or receiving a kiss. This game allowed us to get out of our comfort zone and to get to know and appreciate each other on a deeper level.
Never stop dating each other
Even though your relationship may be long-term, that does not mean that you stop dating one another. Going on dates and spending quality, alone time together is very beneficial to keeping the spark in your relationship. Relationship and marital therapists encourage couples to try to date one night a week (Cohl, 2012). The partners can take turns planning the dates to avoid the feeling of it being one-sided. These dates do not have to be the classic expensive dinner and a movie. Dates can range from game nights, taking a walk, shopping, or having a coffee date at that little cute coffee shop around the corner. These dates are meant for you and your partner to spend uninterrupted, quality time with one another. Take advantage of it!
These are just a few of the ideas that couples can do to keep the spark alive in their relationship. If you find that these suggestions are not improving your relationship stagnation or not relighting that spark, reach out for help. There is nothing wrong with seeing a couple's or marriage counselor if both you and your partner are comfortable with it. Couples therapy is more than just a last-ditch effort to save your relationship. It is a place to gain professional advice and help to improve your relationship even if it may seem like your relationship does not need it. They are there to help you and your partner, so seek help when/if you feel necessary.
References
Brenner, A. (2018). 7 Ways to Keep the Flame Alive in Your Relationship. In Flux. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201807/7-ways-keep-the-flame-alive-in-your-relationship
Cohl, B. (2012). Success for modern day relationships working with dating, engaged, and married couples. Jason Aronson.
Luscombe, B. (2017). What makes relationships work, according to 1100 studies. Retrieved March 14, 2021, from https://time.com/4927173/relationships-strategies-studies/
Seiter, T. (2020). Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship. Mindful Relationships. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-relationships/202010/keeping-the-spark-alive-in-your-relationship