Helicopter Parenting: Good Intentions Gone Bad
By Faith Pio
You have made a few mistakes in your life that you do not want your child to repeat. You want them to live a better life, so you take the initiative to make it happen. You must always know where they are and what they are doing. You take over what they are doing, so you can help them get it right. Now, they are in college. They do not know what the right decisions may be and what pathway to take without feeling dependent on another person. This phenomenon is due to helicopter parenting. College students without helicopter parenting would be able to problem-solve, make decisions, and participate in activities at their university. Even though some parents may have good intentions of protecting their children, it can have major effects when they make it to adulthood.
Now, what exactly is helicopter parenting? Helicopter parenting is a term that describes parents who may be overly involved and do almost everything for their children, even when their child is an adult. Parents will even go as far as stepping into conflicts and resolving them themselves (Reed et al., 2016). I have helicopter parents myself, and one of the biggest effects of them is learning to step out of my shell and do things on my own. I was always questioned about where I was and what time I was going to be home, and I still am as a college student. Some other signs of helicopter parenting include direct intervention with conflicts and not letting the child solve them and letting the child have their autonomy- having control over their lives (Schwartz, 2017).
There are various reasons why a parent may be overprotective over their kids even into adulthood. They have spent at least 18 years caring for and raising their child. Major anxiety can occur when it is time for their child to head out of the house. So, for the parent to somehow have control, they try to be involved with everything their child does. Hence, they step in to handle any problem their child faces rather than letting them figure it out on their own (LeMoyne & Buchanan, 2011). However, being too involved can stunt the child’s independence in the future. The parents’ intention is to try to advance their child’s success, but it is really inhibiting the development of their skills and independence.
Not only can being overly involved affect your child’s independence in adulthood, but it can also be detrimental to their mental health. College students who have helicopter parents have claimed that they feel more negatively about themselves (Reed et al., 2016). It can be difficult to feel confident with oneself when almost every aspect of their life is controlled. Children of helicopter parents are known for having problems with self-acceptance, developing relationships, participating in activities, and personal growth (LeMoyne & Buchanan, 2011). Participating in activities may fill the child with anxiety because it is something new that their parents cannot guide them through. I have had problems with this my whole life. When it comes to trying out new things, it is like I need someone there next to me to guide me through it. Since I have been in college awhile, it has gotten easier, but it takes a lot of convincing and second thoughts to seize the opportunity.
Helicopter parenting can get so bad to where their child may need to be medicated for anxiety or depression (Young, 2017). When parents are communicating with their kids, they seem to communicate in ways that make it seem like they would only be safe around their parents. Hence, the hesitation one feels to try out new activities or take on new opportunities. Eventually, a person may feel overwhelmed by the constant invasion and control, and they feel resentment toward their parents (Reed et al., 2016). This can lead to lower family satisfaction, a critical family environment, and emotional problems. Because of the tension, the child may want to distance themselves even more from the parents, straining the relationship.
You have read the signs and realized what effects they can have on your child. How can you break the habit? Here are a few ideas:
Do not push habits or future aspirations on your child. Be willing to listen to them and do not object if it does not line up with your aspirations.
Do not do everything for your child. Take the time to show them the steps on how to do things on their own. It is okay to show them how to do something, but not do it for them (Young, 2017).
Teach them to speak up for themselves and conflict resolution
Teach them to overcome their weakness and strength to pursue their goals (Schwartz, 2017).
Overall, these habits may depend on your parenting style. Being overly controlling, which is a sign of authoritative parenting, can cause your child to rebel. Authoritative parents do not reason or negotiate (LeMoyne & Buchanan, 2011). They have clear rules on what they want from their child. The best kind of parenting style to follow to help break the habits is authoritative parenting. Expectations are made, but there is still respect for the child as an individual (LeMoyne & Buchanan, 2011). Children raised with this style are known to be more independent and display their own autonomy.
The next time you want to help your child with a certain task or make a decision, ask yourself if is it going to benefit your child in the future. It can be difficult to see your child grow up and do things without your help anymore. However, for your child to reach their potential growth, it may be better to step back and let your child make their own decisions. Your intentions for your children may always be good, but it does not always promise a good future.
References
LeMoyne, Terri & Buchanan, Tom (2011, June 9). Does hovering matter? Helicopter parenting and its effects on well-being. Mid-South Sociological Association, vol. 31(4). https://doi.org/10.1080/02732173.2011.574038
Reed, K., Duncan, J.M., Lucier-Greer, M. et al. (2016, June 6). Helicopter parenting and emerging adult self-efficacy: Implications for mental and physical health. Journal of Child and Family Studies, pp. 3136-3149. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-016-0466-x
Schwartz, Sandi. (n.d.). Helicopter parenting: From good intentions to poor outcomes. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/helicopter-parenting-good-intentions-poor-outcomes/
Young, J. L. (2017, January 25). The effects of helicopter parenting. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-your-adult-child-breaks-your-heart/201701/the-effects-helicopter-parenting